Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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