dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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