Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize