whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
