The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
