So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
