Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bring me that man meat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
