I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
