Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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