I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
pop tarts are not kleenex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
