So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
