covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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