Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
