And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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