My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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