there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
