Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize