i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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