Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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