Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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