called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
