Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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