I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
