Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
