Dual....:-)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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