The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
