Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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