I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
