I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
