Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
