maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
