my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
