if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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