Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
