Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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