If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
