i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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