So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
