Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
