Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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