Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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