It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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