im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
