I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
