and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
