like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found the puke drawer
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
