hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
