Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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