I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
