Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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