Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
