I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
