I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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