Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
