remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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