No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
