I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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