I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have fence marks all over my body
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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