omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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