feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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