Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Hippo gnu deer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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