They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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