You made me cry and you don't even care
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
